Happy Solstice!


Happy winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere! And happy summer solstice for you Southern Hemi folks! 

I want to start this beautiful new season by trying not to judge others. We don’t know what they’ve been through. We don’t know how we would react in the same situations. May be we would handle it even worse. 

Ive been kind of antisocial lately you can call it. I can barely understand myself, let alone try to explain it to someone else. Instead of spending my energy looking for social confirmation, which is very hard when you’re swimming against the currents, I’ve decided it’s probably better to give myself all of my energy so I can try to process and heal.

Being antisocial is definitely not my first choice. I am a total extrovert. People energize me and make me my happiest. But I have been through a LOT of misfortunes these last few years. I was pretty much forced to isolate myself against the judgements put on me from the people I care about most. 

But IT’S WORKING! I’m not worried about how I “should” be according to others who aren’t me nor have experienced the same life. I am finally focused on who I actually am and where I want to go. 

When people looked down on me for that, it used to make me very upset. That is why I felt the need to isolate. I like myself, and didn’t feel the need to be anything other than what I am 🙂

All I know is that I don’t want to live in a society that forces me to hurt the planet, one way or another. I don’t want to hurt the land, the trees, the bacteria, the animals, I don’t want to hurt the rocks even. I don’t fully understand the balance, even though I have learned and experienced it more than most.

I was pretty upset at my education for quite some time… Why did they teach me about how horrible we are to EVERYTHING, including each other and ourselves?! I learned way too much. And then they want us to go and be part of it? HA HA.

But just the other day I had a lovely realization, “I am an overachiever. I love to learn, and I think very deeply about what I learn. I can zoom in and zoom out for quite the resolution. And of course everything has limits, me as well. We can’t take our thoughts too seriously! And I was trained to analyze and protect the environment. And you know what? That is exactly what I will do with my life. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit with others’ definition of success. I will do what I do best: think and put information together.” 

Sorry, I am not the best at expressing my thoughts. I grew up quite alone, no need to express much, so it’s not a skill that comes easily. I thought without words, and I’m pretty sure without judgement. And believe me, it is so beautiful here in my head, and in my heart which has independent neurons (aka brain?!). It is so positive and so grateful, and just peaceful 🙂

The only reason I am trying to express this is because the world seems to need much more of that right now ❤

And because I grew up alone, I wasn’t tainted with society’s bullshit. I have what seems like a trustworthy moral compass that comes from my heart and my brain being connected with nature (nature raised me). And there is nothing anyone can do to break that connection. 

I’ve tried to fit in. And it hurt the Earth, so it hurt me. Everything is connected. If we all found our balance in that, if we solidified our relationship to all around us, there’s no way for wars. Why would you go and hurt for a reason that’s not even yours? We wouldn’t be able to be swayed with lies and stereotypes because you would sit peacefully in your own truths. You would know better! 

You would come closer to the source: YOU. You are a source. Please use responsibly ❤

I love you all

Winter Wasteland


Some new statistic just said that in America, waste increases by 25% during the holidays in December 😦 At first, I was like, “That’s it?!?” But then I thought about it. This country is already so wasteful, that’s probably a whole lotta trash! In 2013, there was 254 million tons of landfill waste produced in the US. That’s about the weight of 8467 school busses. Doesn’t sound like much, but have you ever seen 8467 school busses? NO! Because that couldn’t really fit anywhere feasible in todays world…

Anyway, last I read, the US wastes 52% of the food it produces. That’s more than half. As there are people starving. As there are species going extinct because they don’t have food, and their habitats are filled with trash, or whatever is left of their niches. Do you know there is officially more plastic in the ocean than fish?? As of 2017. Yup. If that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will. 

I did a project on the Pacific Gyre in like 2013 or something. And even then, we thought it was the size of three United States, and may be even 3 miles deep… THAT’S RIDICULOUS! And now the scientists are saying it is much bigger than we previously thought..

Well, lemme break it down for ya. So no matter how careful we are, things blow around. I’ve chased my carefully staked down tent, full of all my heavy belongings, when the wind picked up. The other day I followed a trash trail, and it lead to the trash truck. Thankfully I recovered my tent and crap, but all the other stuff blows around until it usually ends up in a river. And most rivers end up in the ocean or sea. And 75 % of this planet is ocean! No wonder we’ve created such a huge problem for ourselves, and the rest of the sentient beings we share this planet with. 

We’ve had a few huge extinctions on this Earth. The dinosaur one only killed about 65% of species living here. There was one that killed 96% of all species. Shit happens naturally, without us making it worse. But what has saved life on this planet from full disappearance, has been deep marine life. They are usually the survivors, hiding away deep away from the chaos. Well, I really hope we didn’t screw that one up.

I don’t want to completely destroy your hopes and dreams. But I do want to open your eyes to the much more that is happening around us. We have choices. We have options. A little bit compounds and can go a long way! We have been mostly negatively influencing this planet for the last who knows how many hundred or thousands of years. But we can change. If it’s one thing that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom, it is our ability to adapt. Conscientiousness can take us on the next quantum leap of this planet’s evolution. And I hope we can do it ALL TOGETHER. We must.

Anyway, don’t even get me started on recycling. I’m sure I’ll make a post about that soon. I used to work as a chemist testing for toxic chemicals. And recycling places were some of the dirtiest sites. So I don’t know if it’s worth it honestly. I think we just need to eliminate trash all together. Figure out ways to reduce our footprints. 

Nature seems to recycle EVERYTHING! So instead of trying to kill everything around us and isolate ourselves from “danger,” we need to realize we are the danger to this fragile balance. It used to be much more resilient, but then we somehow decided it’s all for us I guess. Well I’m really sorry, but it’s not.

Sorry I had to let that out. I’m sick of sitting back and watching my home— this Earth— be completely destroyed, right under our noses. They distract us with wars and terrorism and reality TV and etc. etc. I don’t have any ill feelings towards anyone. We are all just trying to find our way in this life. So no, I don’t want my tax dollars to go towards oppressing others. And sorry, I don’t have many answers. But I am trying. And I will not go down without a fight. I really hope you can join me, and help make this world a better, safer, healthier place. 

I love you all.

Power Through Unity

Happy holiday season everyone!! The air is so fresh after the rain. I have been enjoying some incredible autumn sunsets. Everyone is out and about. Great vibes out there.

I don’t want to bring you down, but there are many important aspects to think about. Giving is beautiful. Being grateful is healing. Coming together with people you love, and love you, or new people in your life you can connect with— that’s what it’s all about. That is what will fulfill you. Not buying the latest gadgets. Not getting those fancy shoes you might never wear, just cuz they’re on sale. 

Christmas stuff didn’t used to come out until after Thanksgiving. This year, I saw Santa stuff out in some stores in JULY, no joke. But most was definitely out before Halloween. Everything is telling us to BUY BUY BUY. 

Of course we want to give. Of course we want to love. That is why these “holy-days” are able to take advantage of us like this. They are playing on a basic need we already have, and exploiting it to the max. 

I’m not saying to not buy anything, or to hate on anyone who likes to go all out. I just hope we can think a little bit more about what we are doing, and why we are doing it. WAKE UP! 

Our human race has been through sooo much! Believe it or not, we are becoming way less violent than our ancestors used to be. Wars, famine, disease. We have come a long way.

However, I really hope that one day we can look back at today as the dark ages. We don’t care for each other as we should. We seem to be in the age of the “individual,” where everyone merely looks out for themselves, or their extended self— family. But I think we are much more interconnected than that.

I see EVERYTHING as an extension of myself. I can’t hurt anyone, and not be even more hurt myself. Back in the day when they had just invented democracy in Greece, Socrates was born. And it was during his time that they discussed and actualized a lot of those concepts. When they were talking about whether to punish, or whether to rehabilitate law breakers, Socrates said that you can take away one’s possessions, you can hurt them physically, you can try your best to bring them down, but you still cannot hurt their soul if they don’t let you. However, if you hurt another person, you are hurting your own soul.

He meant that punishment isn’t going to work. And I definitely believe that. I’m a tough cookie. You can hurt me all you want, I can take it. You can take away everything I have (as isn’t far from the truth these last few years), and I’m gonna keep going. All the people closest to me can disappear one way or another (this one hits home as well), but I will still try to do my best and do what’s right according to my moral compass. But if I know I have hurt someone or something, even if I didn’t mean to, I suffer for a long time. I can’t even imagine being out there just slaying people, or planning world domination, or participating in the suffering of others, even if that’s what I am told to do by someone of more authority. That would destroy every part of my being. Of course there are exceptions to every rule. But most of us aren’t psychopaths.

Yet I understand where that comes from. I have been tortured as a kid, physically and emotionally. I know the detriment that can cause. I know the overpowering emotions of wanting   to release all the pain that has been brought to you, undeservingly. I’ve thought about getting revenge many of times. My underprivileged background has brought a lot my way. But as soon as I even start thinking that way, I get sad. I have done some things I’m not proud of. And that’s about as worst as I can feel about myself. I didn’t feel that way when I let my sister beat me up when we were younger. I’ve always been a thick girl, and she has always been as skinny as a twig. I can really hurt that girl. But I could never bring myself to it, no mater what she said or did to me. I just hoped that one day she would realize how much she hurt me, and stop.

But no, haven’t seen that day yet haha. And I’m not gonna hold my breath. But I know she is way more miserable than I will ever be. I can take quite the physical pain. At least it goes away eventually. But she will have that pain in her heart forever. Because I know somewhere deep down she really does love me. If anyone will ever know the pain she has endured, of course it would be me, since I have endured it right besides her.

But instead of me wanting to spread that pain, I was thankfully born knowing that love is the only thing I’m trying to spread. When I smile at someone, and they smile back, that makes my day. When I yell at someone, and they yell back, that ruins my whole week.

And we cannot control anything other than ourselves. No matter what we’re taught, no matter what we’re shown, no one’s entitled to shit besides the freedom to make up their own mind. We are all different. We are so beautifully diverse! Why hide that? We all have our own potentials to reach for. No one can judge us since they haven’t been through what we’ve been through. And yet we are all so similar, just looking for love and meaning in this life. I hope we can learn to stand our ground when our freedoms are threatened. And I hope we can learn how to stand together, when our freedoms are threatened.

I have so much going on in my head, and it’s all out of love for this wonderful world, and this amazing universe. It hurts to watch and hear and feel, and to be a part of our downfall… I am usually fine being in the background doing what I’m told. Well, I’ve done that long enough. I am smart enough to know better. And I am finally figuring out how to at least try to express that, because I know many upon many are in the same boat. And we just don’t know what to do.

Well I hope we can come together, because every single one of us has something to offer to this puzzle. Money and power are no longer suitable for our needs, nor have they ever been if you ask me. Or may be they were, to get us to this exact point in time and space, so we can realize how powerful each one of us is. And OMG, if we can all come together, in peace and with love, I think the consequences are going to be limitless.


I think we’re definitely there. And I am going to do whatever I can to be the best I can be in this special moment. I am here with all my heart, and all of my brain, and all my love. I am here for this precious universe, and I am here for all the beauty we can’t even start to comprehend. I am here, and I am just getting started. 

We are at a crossroads: are we going to continue this separation and destruction? Or can we come together and see how blessed we are to be born onto this world, that has absolutely everything we need? Choice is ours. Don’t let anyone make it for you but YOU. If we all change a little bit, it can have an unimaginable impact. It’s not enough for a few of us to change a lot. I know you know that. That is why you exist in this very special time of this planet, to say the least.

I am just barely starting to step into my shoes. I am just barely starting to understand my true potential and power. 

I hope I can do the same for you.

I love you all.

Happy holidazeB796BB5A-A24D-4204-85AB-F92F1E39EC8E