Happy winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere! And happy summer solstice for you Southern Hemi folks!
I want to start this beautiful new season by trying not to judge others. We don’t know what they’ve been through. We don’t know how we would react in the same situations. May be we would handle it even worse.
Ive been kind of antisocial lately you can call it. I can barely understand myself, let alone try to explain it to someone else. Instead of spending my energy looking for social confirmation, which is very hard when you’re swimming against the currents, I’ve decided it’s probably better to give myself all of my energy so I can try to process and heal.
Being antisocial is definitely not my first choice. I am a total extrovert. People energize me and make me my happiest. But I have been through a LOT of misfortunes these last few years. I was pretty much forced to isolate myself against the judgements put on me from the people I care about most.
But IT’S WORKING! I’m not worried about how I “should” be according to others who aren’t me nor have experienced the same life. I am finally focused on who I actually am and where I want to go.
When people looked down on me for that, it used to make me very upset. That is why I felt the need to isolate. I like myself, and didn’t feel the need to be anything other than what I am 🙂
All I know is that I don’t want to live in a society that forces me to hurt the planet, one way or another. I don’t want to hurt the land, the trees, the bacteria, the animals, I don’t want to hurt the rocks even. I don’t fully understand the balance, even though I have learned and experienced it more than most.
I was pretty upset at my education for quite some time… Why did they teach me about how horrible we are to EVERYTHING, including each other and ourselves?! I learned way too much. And then they want us to go and be part of it? HA HA.
But just the other day I had a lovely realization, “I am an overachiever. I love to learn, and I think very deeply about what I learn. I can zoom in and zoom out for quite the resolution. And of course everything has limits, me as well. We can’t take our thoughts too seriously! And I was trained to analyze and protect the environment. And you know what? That is exactly what I will do with my life. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit with others’ definition of success. I will do what I do best: think and put information together.”
Sorry, I am not the best at expressing my thoughts. I grew up quite alone, no need to express much, so it’s not a skill that comes easily. I thought without words, and I’m pretty sure without judgement. And believe me, it is so beautiful here in my head, and in my heart which has independent neurons (aka brain?!). It is so positive and so grateful, and just peaceful 🙂
The only reason I am trying to express this is because the world seems to need much more of that right now ❤
And because I grew up alone, I wasn’t tainted with society’s bullshit. I have what seems like a trustworthy moral compass that comes from my heart and my brain being connected with nature (nature raised me). And there is nothing anyone can do to break that connection.
I’ve tried to fit in. And it hurt the Earth, so it hurt me. Everything is connected. If we all found our balance in that, if we solidified our relationship to all around us, there’s no way for wars. Why would you go and hurt for a reason that’s not even yours? We wouldn’t be able to be swayed with lies and stereotypes because you would sit peacefully in your own truths. You would know better!
You would come closer to the source: YOU. You are a source. Please use responsibly ❤
I love you all